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Not too long ago, I received some news that rocked my world.  It led to an idea for a book, which is always the case with me when I’m experiencing an epiphany.

I felt it was time to have a funeral for the woman I used to be and therefore a transcendence to a happier life for the woman I have become.  I asked my good friend and amazing photographer Shannon Kalahar and fashion designer Dolly from House of Donshey to work on this project with me.

The book will have 15 poems and some amazing photographs of the “funeral” that will be taken by Shannon and Dolly will design the outfits for the shoots. I’m very excited about this book and so very lucky to be working with such talented women.  Rejecting 18 Square Feet is the culmination of the six poetry books I have written to date, Manifesto of a Menopausal Woman, Naked and Raw, Unbound, Voyeuristic Elucidations, Mental Ejaculations, and Silently Suffering.

Once this book is published and the book signing takes place, the first six poetry books are going into retirement.  I will sell the last copies I have right now and then they will be out of print.  I feel it is time to move on to other ventures.  Who knows, I may decide to bring them out of retirement as second editions at some point in the future.

In light of what this project is and what it means, I thought it only appropriate to write eulogies.

First Eulogy…

the wonder of words falling
open mouth wounded testimony
the world was dark
spilling into desperate rejuvenation
like a transient wish for peace
rotating through rainbows

rain is falling
4:00 a.m. baptism
myriad of sound effects
affects my sensibilities

a window across the alley
burning muted light
silhouetted head bent
in the weather worn window
mirroring an empty space
this was me in another place

rain is falling
4:00 a.m. realism
rushing through gutters
a heartbeat stutters

that night my body craved
a lingering gentle touch
not of passion born
just something to heal
the space that was torn
that hadn’t felt an embrace
in an always empty space
I called home

rain is falling
4:00 a.m. conformism
mocking individuality
to love on my terms

the floor had fallen from beneath my feet
while the ceiling was slowly crushing me
and the walls were caving in silently
this house was not a home
but a void that reminded me I was alone
the echo my feet made
with nowhere left to walk
I couldn’t talk with a ragged voice
screaming for a choice
between life and death
reaching through the falling rain
praying in a hidden pain
hoping it would wash away
this life story insomnia
and bring the light of day
 
the silence in my four walls
led my soul down empty halls
voices from the eaves asking me
when you look at yourself
what do you see?

That is all.

©R. MonaLeza 2012

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