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I just realized something.
My life is a black hole when it comes to family.

 

 

Outside of a few pictures, I have nothing from my childhood,

I have a vague history for my parents. My father descended from slaves that lived on a plantation in Maryland. The land was willed to the plantation owner’s slaves when he died, which was shortly after slavery was abolished. It is still in the family. My mother descended from German royalty. She was an allied sympathizer during WWII and risked her life to help American and allied troops. She has told me a few stories about that time (the war ended when she was 18), but nothing before, or after until she met my dad.

I’ve never had grandparents. My mother’s father died in a motorcycle accident when she was 9. My mother’s mother hated me so we only had contact a few times. She died at the age of 97. My father’s father died when he was about 7. He stopped on the way home from work after a double shift, sat down on a bench, fell asleep and froze to death. My father’s mother was an alcoholic that he disconnected from when he joined the Army at age 18. She died when I was 12 and I never met her.

I haven’t seen my mother since 1992.

Outside of one conversation when my stepmother died two months ago, I haven’t spoken to my father in 10 years.

My father left our family when my brother was five. I left Germany when he was seven. I saw him with his wife and new son in 1992 when they came to visit me in Florida, and haven’t seen them since.  He and his wife have had another child, a daughter, that I’ve never met. They live in Germany.

I was deprived of my first born child when she was three.

I have no cousins, aunts, or uncles I am in contact with.

My family is my children.

I woke up this morning and decided I’m a modern day orphan.

That means my life is mine and I can shape it, mold it, and create a ME that needs no validation to forge ahead. There is no one in my life that can ever say, “you can’t do that.”

My family is who I choose to surround myself with, love, trust, and embrace. It’s actually quite amazing to have that choice rather than be immersed in a life filled with people that were designated for me and might not have my best interest at heart.

That is all.

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