A few days after this fiasco, I received a call from Suncoast to confirm my appointment for an Intake. I informed the lady on the phone that I preferred to cancel the appointment as I’d had a bad experience while in their establishment.
This is how the conversation went:
Her: Hello this is ____________ from Suncoast. I’m calling to confirm your appointment on Wednesday at 8:00a.m.
Me: Oh, hi. Actually I wanted to cancel the appointment as I don’t feel comfortable with your organization.
Yep…Click. She hung up on me.
How’s that for following their mission statement of “strengthening, protecting, and restoring lives for a healthy community.”
…And that ladies and gentlemen is how this organization took care of a woman that was seeking help to deal with sexual abuse trauma.
Fortunately with the help of a friend, I was able to secure private therapy. Just one session into this new journey, I discovered something rather profound.There are definitely things I need to come to terms with, but ironically they have nothing to do with my past. The vacuous space inside of me needs to be filled with positive things, future plans, new works (writing), and a new creative direction. As much as I don’t have to look back to validate myself, I do need to use those memories and experiences to amplify how strong I am today and how much I have overcome to get here.
I realize I am not battling with demons from my past. I’m battling with demons of my present and future. The ones I think I know, and the ones I’m creating to circumvent and prevent success and happiness. All good and wished for things will come when I release the idea of the demons; for the demons themselves have already been let go. I had come to a place where I believed they were still with me. Not so. What remains is the hole they carved into my existence and they are all on diving boards waiting to jump back in. That has been the cycle of my constant deaths and rebirths and that has finally come to an end.
I am the embodiment of the warrior women that have come before me and hopefully I can carve a place among them. I will forge ahead to help as many of my sister’s heal and overcome the misogynistic societies that continue to perpetuate the idea that abusing a woman, whether it be mentally, physically, spiritually,or emotionally, is okay and we are steadily rising and coming together to release the fear, for fear stands by our side like a silent partner keeping us bound to patriarchal ideas of worth.
There is a movement and we are steadfast in our convictions to walk head held high, a sense of serenity in our existence and and end to subjugation.