Today I am grateful for many things having to do with a life changing decision I made. I sent out to the Universe that I needed help in finding the strength within myself to regain my ability to take care of my business. I have fallen by the wayside as of late in believing in myself enough to do the same things for myself that I did while raising my children as a single mom. Nothing every stood in my way of accomplishing the things needed to provide for them. No one every dissuaded me from forging ahead. There was no such thing as fear in the broad spectrum of my experiences. Yes, I was fearless even when looking down the barrel of a gun. My belief in some unseen force pushing me forward and the idea that I was in some way protected because I had a purpose to fulfill, often kept me grounded. I finally admitted that I did not put as much value in myself when it came to being fearless.
It is difficult when you have defined yourself as a mom and nothing more than that. Everything you are is bound in that persona. When your children grow up and move away, being their own lives, take care of their own needs the sense of loss goes much deeper than being on your own. The sense of loss creates an idea that your purpose is done and the definition of who you are becomes cloudy at best. If not taking care of my kids, what purpose do I have? It’s called empty nest syndrome and it’s very, very real.
Being able to climb out of that place and understand that the world is waiting for you to be fantastical and extraordinary is a gift beyond comprehension. I will always be a mom and I will always be there for my children, but first and foremost at this point in my life, I am so much more than that. Having the ability to use words, poetry, public speaking, gives me an opportunity to lay the gift of hope at the feet of anyone that feels despondent, hopeless, and unable to see that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.
My gratitude grows daily as I rediscover who MonaLeza is and where her life is heading.