, , ,

I know there is a Biblical tale of Lot, his wife, and salt, with the whole not looking back thing…

I have been inundated over the past few days with an idea that has been prevalent since I was a very young child.

I was raised by a father that did not accept tears or great degrees of human emotion, as that was seen as weakness.

That is the persona I created at about age 9. I rarely if ever cried and I took my beatings in silence. If I fell and got hurt, I brushed it away and pretended like the pain wasn’t real. I willed away childhood ailments like chicken pox, measles, and mumps. Never had any of that. My father wanted a boy, so minus my anatomy, that is what I gave him.

I know most people that know me see a strong, independent, and powerful force. I have all the right words for my friends and family when they are in crisis or hurting. I stand steadfastly by my integrity and truth. I empathize to a degree that is often detrimental to my own well being, but I bounce back quickly.

I rarely cry tears of sadness, and when I’m hurting, I brush it away and pretend it’s not there.

How ironic that the first REAL tear of sadness without anger to mask it, has begun to melt the pillar of salt I stand upon…