There have been several times in my life where emptying myself of all that has filled me up is very necessary. Usually a catalyst happens that takes me in that direction.
Today I was watching a video on Facebook and as it ended, another one immediately started. It was Saul Williams talking about being a vegan, but then it went a step further. He stated repeatedly about the things he does not engage in, because he doesn’t want to fill up with things that are not good for him. One of the things he mentioned was television. The overall message he was relaying really hit home. Of course as is the case in my journey of transformation, I began to think about the things I fill myself up with.
My greatest foes in this life are procrastination and self-doubt. These two things create a vicious circle that is my reality. I procrastinate because I doubt myself and I doubt myself so I procrastinate. Hence, I fill myself up with things that are not only time consuming, but also very negative and often harmful to my physical and mental well-being.
I have dreams, goals, aspirations. I admire those that have them and reach them. I beat myself up for not being stronger and believing I have what it takes. I try to figure out what the impetus for such self-deprecating behavior is. I’m sure I could dig deep enough to find an answer in my childhood or traumatic life experiences, but in the end, none of those things provide the validity for putting so many roadblocks in my way, so many hurdles to jump over or crawl under, and so many reasons to keep failing at trying to move forward.
I emptied my vessel at the beginning of this year, 2017, and promised myself I would only put in the things I needed to live a happier, more productive life. For the most part, I have done that. I have made some major changes and I feel better about myself overall. I know there will be days of doubt, days I will fall off of my transformation wagon, but I also know I’ve never been unable to pick myself up, brush myself off, and try again, and again, and again. That will never change.