This is a rough topic for me.
I have a very defined idea of what friendship is. I suppose it doesn’t work well for me, because it is filled with expectations, which we know leads to disappointment.
In retrospect, I’d have to say with the exception of just a few people, my high school friends were the best. The tribe I hung with was loving, caring, supportive, and above all else, respectful. We took care of each other in all of life’s trials and tribulations and they are by far some of the sweetest memories I have.
I have only met a few people since then that I can put into that same category. That saddens me. For some reason as we get older, I think the ability to maintain all of the above mentioned qualities in a friendship dissipate. I’m not sure why that is.
What I find now is that friendship is a matter of convenience or something steeped in agenda. I am constantly disappointed by those people that call me friend and tell me how much they love me until it actually comes to fulfilling the role of friend with integrity, honesty, respect, and caring. I don’t need to be friends with someone that feels they can call me when they need me, only to be absent me when I am in need. I don’t need friends that think they can be disrespectful of controlling. I don’t need friends that say one thing and do another. I don’t need friends that play head games. I don’t need friends that are passive/aggressive. I don’t need friends that are manipulative. And, I certainly don’t need friends that try to make me feel bad by saying hurtful things.
I am actually quite content having just a friend or two that give a real damn about me and vice versa. I am tired of pretending I care about people that call me friend and exhibit selfish behavior.
Moving on and letting go is imperative to my transformation at this point in life. It has become easier and easier as I move forward and lay aside my abandonment issues. I’m much more in tune to liberation and the freedom to not carry the weight of narcissistic, self-absorbed people that play head games.
People wear so many masks. I’ve worn so many masks. Do we wear them to protect ourselves from harm, or do we wear them to justify our behaviors? I’m craving an honest, respectful, loving, caring, nurturing, and healthy relationship. Perhaps this process of removing my own masks will draw that to me.